Salutations, land ape! You have somehow managed to bridge the aether with your nuisance transceiver, and the irksome flatus of Discordian wisdom is currently waxing your limpid earholes! We of the High Pomposity of the Discordian Disorder are happy to share with you the joyous news! There is no conspiracy. Nobody is in charge. It’s a headless blunder operating under the illusion of a master plan. So, go fourth and annoy the boring!
Your brain is a liar and whore.
If life gives you lemons, build a rocket-powered lemon gun.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Just remember, no one likes an asshole!
Be nice to other people; they outnumber you 6 billion to one.
If this spiritual salve has been insufficient to assuage your guilt and doubt, and you’d like to unburden your teeming hippocampus, leave a series of mouth noises after the poot and we’ll play them back, repeatedly, in reverse, for our own amusement and contemplation.
Thank you for your interest in Discordianism: the Schroedinger’s Cat of religions! Hail Eris!