Conspiracy! Card-a-Day #115

Evidence Card 0086: Hackers

Evidence Card 0086: Hackers

[cyb3rPalad1n@xanadu666 ~] $ sudo /usr/sbin/astral-vpn
Password: **********
Starting Astral™ Traceless VPN... bouncing through 183 IPs...
You are now traceless!  Happy hacking!
[cyb3rPalad1n@xanadu666 ~] $ sftp
Connecting to
a.carter's password: flintstones
sftp> pwd
Remote working directory: /central/rtn/users/home/acarter
sftp> cd /central/ops/pent/serv/food/
sftp> ls -a
total 4
-rw-r--r--+ 3 root root 83 Oct 18 2014 .
-rw-r--r--+ 3 root root 102 Dec 21 2014 ..
-rw-r--r--+ 3 root root 218 Mar 02 2011 js.iml
-rw-r--r--+ 3 root root 1609 Apr 18 2015 cafeteria_menu.txt
sftp> sed -i 's/Tater Tots/Brussel Sprouts/g' cafeteria_menu.txt
[cyb3rPalad1n@xanadu666 ~] $ shutdown -s



To whoever keeps putting brussel sprouts on the cafeteria menu: the joke’s gotten old.  Ever since word got out that I hate the goddamn things, I’ve seen them in the cafeteria EVERY SINGLE DAY.  It’s been weeks.  I can’t stand the sight of the things.  This has to stop.

If the brussel sprout situation continues, I’ll be forced to take the appropriate executive action.  I trust whoever thinks this is still funny will reevaluate their motivations and act accordingly.

Let’s put this behind us and get back to work defending America.

Ash Carter

Secretary of Defense

United States Department of Defense

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